Saturday, 12 November 2011

My First love

It was today I realized I am in love. It was quite a shocking revelation to me. I looked at the mirror and smiled. My braces shined brightly amidst the row of teeth. For a second I thought I was blushing or was it the mere thought of him tickling my senses. I took hold of my school bag and walked towards bus stop walking past his home. Didn’t have the courage to peep inside though. My bus will take another fifteen minutes to come but I wanted to be there before he crosses the street.

I could see the bus coming from distant but no trace of him. I gazed at my watch impatiently for the umpteenth time; maybe he is taking a day off. Felt so depressed. This is the first time my teenage mind was drifting towards someone and didn’t want to end up hurt so soon. Just then, he crossed the road in his bicycle. Oblivious to me standing and gaping at him, he went in a hurry. My bus has reached the stop and I got in. Yes, I am in love. I wish I could sing.

Whole day in class I thought about him. There were not many memories or incidents though.  A few sweet memories tucked neatly inside my mind which strew a fragrance each time I thought about him. During lunch time I talked to my friends about him. It was nothing special; but casual things where I could include what he said and what he did in a way that nobody noticed my growing feelings for him. I muttered his name many times and even dared to imagine it next to mine. I dreamt about him during most of the classes.

In the evening while going past his house my heart raced; but what if he doesn’t feel the same. I was confused and scared like anyone who is a novice in matters concerned with heart. I couldn’t wait to just have a glimpse of him but was unlucky that evening. That evening, for the first time in my life, I realized that watching TV was less exciting than simply dreaming about him. 

I wrapped up the day and hurriedly finished dinner so that I can lie in the bed and think about him. The whole night I dreamt of him. And interestingly in most of the dreams he was holding me. Every morning I woke up wishing that the dream would come true but knew it deep down that there were very less chances. 

Today I told my best friend about him. Again just casually mentioning something; not letting her know my love for him. But she sensed it somehow and started teasing me. I blushed and was overjoyed. When I was back at home, I stood in front of mirror for hours smiling at myself. I had always kept my ears open for the sound of his bike. Then when he comes over, I would casually go near him and ask some random things. My love for him was slopping out but I was keen on not making it obvious. 

It has been a year since I am carrying deep sincere feeling towards him and I have been successful so far concealing it. Today I went to temple and for the first time prayed that he should marry me. It was in fact stupid to even think about marriage when I was still in my teens. But I was sure about what I wanted. I wanted him to tie the knot, to marry me. I wanted him to be the dad of my kids. I wanted him to love me till I die. I closed my eyes and prayed to god with my all heart. 

And god just listened to it.

- Jane Doe
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