Thursday, 1 December 2011

Career, Money, or Love

There was a girl who wanted to be a journalist. It was her dream since high school. So even after securing top grades in tenth board exam, she took up humanities (thanks to ever supportive parents). She went to a school, notorious for its strikes and bullies, just because they offered JOURNALISM.  Her dreams were flying high when she joined a reputed college in Bangalore to study Journalism and more Journalism. 

She was so focused; she had a sturdy career goal. And luckily she fell in love with a boy who did nothing but give more color to her career dreams. He wanted her to achieve her dream.  He beamed when her articles got published. He was so proud when she became the sub-editor of the college newsletter. After graduation, post graduation, and numerous internships at reputed media firms, what has she become? CONTENT WRITER AT A SEO COMPANY!

By this time, it is so evident that girl is none other than me. But where did I lose my focus in becoming a journalist. John thinks that it’s because of him that I let go of my journalist dreams. Yes, he is right. But what he doesn’t know is that I let it go in pursuit of happiness. I let it go because I realized what I wanted and what I don’t.

There is a point in everyone’s life when we have to choose between two. It’s inevitable. It’s either this or that. In John’s case it was choosing between his parents and me. For one of my friends it was selecting between two cities. For my brother it was choosing between two girls. And for me, it was choosing between journalism and my life. And I went for the latter.

During the days when we realized that long distance was taking its toll on our relationship, I made up my mind to shift to Bangalore, where John had plans to settle. Slowly my goals were getting replaced — to kick-off a journalistic career, I had to be in Kerala. Anywhere else the competition was so fierce and being an average writer, I needed to start from scratch.

With numerous internships and freelancing for Times of India, I got some hard-earned bylines to my credit.  But that was it. When my mind experienced the thrill of being a journalist, my heart was bleeding. There was nothing that could give me happiness other than being with him. My article got published in the front page three times consecutively, but at the end of the day, when I go to bed, I missed him terribly. Whatever pleasure I earned from being a writer was nothing compared to the few moments talking with him over the phone.

We had been away from each other for almost five years and I couldn’t bear it anymore. There were some opportunities at hand but only if I am in Kerala. And that means more years of separation.  I packed my bags and came to Bangalore just to be with him. These days I don’t have any bylines to my credit, what’s more funny; I have to write under a pseudonym (Pamela - that’s my name) in office. But at night when I cook for him and when he eats whatever I make with so much love and content, I get a kind of happiness that nothing has ever given me. These days I don’t dream of becoming a journalist but a mom of two sweet kids. I am sure my dream is going to come true... Soon...

Writer I can be anytime; if written in my fate. But if I don’t live this moment, I can never forgive myself.

- Jane Doe
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