Thursday, 20 November 2014

Revenge of the Father!

So, I will start by addressing the elephant in the room... Yes, we have been M.I.A since almost 8 months now. There are a couple of reasons for this - Reason One, we started telling ourselves that this blog is getting pretty boring. Posting all the pregnancy stuff and then the baby stuff made it sound like - "Oooh! Look how perfect our life is! Too bad yours sucks!". So, we decided to take a break.

And Reason Two - WE ARE PARENTS NOW!

Let me make one thing very clear - Nothing, NOTHING in the whole wide world had prepared me for taking care of a baby! I mean, they should make this stuff mandatory at school and have regular exams and practicals and stuff. I'm serious!

And, the worst part is nobody warns you about this until you are already there. I mean, COME ON, I'm pretty sure every parent in the world has gone through this. But all they tell you is how lovely it is to have a child. Don't get me wrong, it is indeed wonderful - but it comes with its downsides. No more time for movies, no more time for books, no more time for friends, etc.

But then, you tend to miss some things more than the others...

Case in Point:
If there is one thing I love more than anything in this world (even more than good food) it is my SLEEP! I need My Sleep. I love My Sleep. If I could, I would have married My Sleep and have had little Sleep babies with it. Every person who knows me personally would agree with me here.

So, what is the problem? 

Well, the awesome guys from How to Be a Dad have the best possible illustration ever for it:

I kid you not - each of those Baby Sleep Positions (BSP) are so damn true! And there are a 100 more too...

Also, in the above illustration, notice how the wife somehow manages to sleep through all of it? See that? HOW DO THEY DO THAT? Until I saw this, I thought it was just Jane who could do this. Maybe it is cos' they are exhausted from taking care of the baby all day or maybe cos' they are wired that way. Oh Boy, I have no clue! But, I sure can't...

BSP - 03 led to BSP - 05 and so on for a few weeks until one fine day "The Stalker" (BSP - 10) showed up. This was sooooooooo damn creepy - I packed up and moved to "The Dog House" (BSP - 08).

But, ever since I found Jane reading stuff like "Why doesn't your husband sleep next to you anymore?" I have decided that enough is enough. I have been planning and plotting and scheming for the past few weeks to win my place back at my bed. And I have finally arrived at the only logical solution to this problem...

Brace yourself...

Presenting, Revenge of the Father:


So, I will be kicking-off a training and pilot run soon. I will keep you posted on the status. If this works, this could be the biggest thing of this century. I have high hopes.

And, if you were looking for the part where I say that one smile from my lil' one makes it all actually worth it, I am sorry to disappoint you. Early morning, when I walk into my bedroom rubbing my aching back, and she smiles at me, I feel that in that lil' mind of hers, she too is planning and plotting and scheming (after all she is Daddy's Girl). And I look into her eyes, smile, and tell her - THIS IS WAR!

- John Doe

P.S. This post is dedicated to PeeVee. Thanks for dropping by to see Lil' Doe. And thanks for all the inspiration to start blogging again - it helped us overcome Reason One stated at the start of the post. You Rock! (Special thanks for the chocolates - before Jane could have a second one, I finished 'em all! Yum!)

P.P.S. Apparently it was blasphemy to casually say, "I haven't read much of Red lately!". The glare I got from Jane, I will remember it forever. And then on, everyday she started throwing in cues like "You would know if you read Red!..." or "In one of Red's recent posts..." etc. So, I finally sat down and read all 38 of her posts this year. And am I glad I did - It is amazing as always! (Most of them, I had already read. But I read them just again in case Jane tries to quiz me to see if I am saying the truth!). 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...